Radical advice from an unexpected quarter

I’m sitting in the equivalent of a cave, in New York, with a view over lower Manhattan that transforms into a colourful spectacle, as the sun slips below the horizon and the light, spilling from hundreds of apartment windows and from atop the One World Trade Center, twinkles in the darkness.

Inside it’s snug and warm. Outside it’s freezing cold. So, I often pass the time reading. This week I read a short book titled Doing Sixty & Seventy by Gloria Steinem. Americans of a certain age will know who she is. For the rest of us, suffice it to say that she was the founder of Ms magazine and is an articulate activist for gender, racial and other civil inequity issues.You can find out more at www.gloriasteinem.com

On page 31 of the book, I came across this radical advice, which she had received in the 1950s from a man who had devoted his life to Gandhian tactics of direct action:

  • If you want people to listen to you, you have to listen to them.
  • If you hope people will change how they live, you have to know how they live.
  • If you want people to see you, you have to sit down with them eye-to-eye.

This is a reminder that we need to engage with our ‘enemies’ if we want them to become our ‘friends’. I think this is true as much for us as individuals as it is for nation states or political parties or religious groups.

 Engaging eye-to-eye
Engaging eye-to-eye

One of the great failures of our age is the us versus them mindset that appears to dominate international relations. I can only cringe when I am reminded of the ‘axis of evil’ speech of a recent US President. The long overdue normalisation of relations between the US and Cuba is slowly moving towards reality, thanks to both sides being prepared to sit down and talk to each other instead of at each other.

What could be the outcome if the warring parties in the Middle East could do the same? Or in Ukraine, or the hundreds of other places riven by conflict?

You cannot turn your enemies into your friends if you insist on labelling them terrorists and refuse to talk with them.

This advice is something we need to keep in mind when, with the best of intentions, we intervene to solve someone else’s problem, whether we are an NGO providing development aid or a friend trying to help out. Unless it’s a life or death emergency, where immediate action is required to avert the danger, it always works out better if we engage with the people we are trying to help, instead of simply imposing our solution to a problem we don’t really understand. How do you put the situation into its proper context if you don’t make the effort to find out what the real situation is?

I’m sure we can all come up with an example of how our best intentioned actions have only made the matter worse. If all of us husbands simply took the time to listen instead of going straight to solution mode, I’m sure our relationships would improve. Most times she wants you to listen to her, to see her, and understand how she feels about the situation. Guys, that means we need to practise the three steps listed above. And, it works the other way round, too.

Was that man talking to Gloria in India onto something? I think he was.

Leave a comment and let me know if you agree or not.

Thanks for dropping by, Peter

Sex matters

Sex matters is the name of a book of discourses delivered by OSHO on the topic: From sex to superconsciousness.

Word of warning: If you don’t want your preconceived notions of anything challenged, don’t read any of OSHO’s works.

One of the things I like about OSHO is the storytelling he uses to get his points over. At the start of this book he tells a story about two monks who want to smoke in the evenings. Being monks they have to ask the abbott.  One of them asks if he can smoke while meditating. The abbot says no. The other asks if he can meditate while smoking. The abbot thinks that’s a great idea.

According to OSHO, most of us are addicted to sex, primarily because we do not understand sex. We don’t see sex or sexual energy as the energy of life. We don’t even accept it as a normal, natural part of life. Just think of all the sexual taboos you know about – all those things that someone or some institution has decreed you shouldn’t be doing.

The powers of society have condemned a lot of sexual practices. Consider all the angst over same sex marriage, prostitution or pornography.

OSHO relates how he took a group of friends to a temple in Khajuraho, India, that is very popular with tourists. The outer walls of the temple, the ones you see when you approach the temple, are covered in sculptures depicting scenes from life, including a number illustrating different postures of sexual intercourse.   You can see what he’s talking about at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wO3N0BbxLko

Most of us, like OSHO’s friends, are mystified as to why anybody would adorn a temple in this way.This is what OSHO tells his friends:

“I told them that those who created these temples were people of great understanding. They knew that sex exists on the circumference of life and that those who were still caught up in sex had no right to enter the temple.”

Those who venture into the inner court of the temple discover that it’s a temple of God. There are no images of sex inside the temple.

When it was built, the temple was a meditation centre. To enter the inner space disciples first had to meditate on the scenes depicted on the outer walls until they fully understood sex and freed their minds from it. Only then could they enter the temple to meet God within.

OSHO reminds us that these days most of us rush into the temple with our eyes closed.

From his perspective, sex is a window into what he calls superconsciousness – that momentary feeling you get at orgasm, when the two feel as one and there are no thoughts, only throbbing energy. And this is why we’re addicted to sex – not to the act but to that momentary feeling that comes through it.

The only other way to get to that feeling, that state of consciousness, is through meditation. Lots of it.

According to OSHO, if you meditate during sex, not only do you get more of that superconsciousness, you actually reach a state of being where you no longer need the sex to get there.

Now there’s something to think about.